Them's My Nuts

Roared on Aug 18th, 2009 9:45am in Bar Scene was tagged with Women, Groping, and has 8 comments.

Seriously, I’m not complaining; I’m just letting you know: girls’ hands just gravitate toward my nuts. I try to explain this to friends that when we go to the bar, it’s likely some random might try to touch my crotch. I don't blame them for not believing me, though. I wouldn’t believe me, except that it’s happened multiple times.

A few weeks ago I was explaining it to some friends and they just laugh, “Paul’s telling stories again, just ignore him.” No more than a few days later we went out for happy hour. As we were about to leave, my two friends stopped at the bathroom and I was ever-so-rudely interrupted while checking the baseball scores by a girl pleading with me to save her friend from some d-bag that wouldn't stop hitting on her.

As any sane person should, I checked to make sure she wasn’t a womanatee. She was not. So what could I have to lose, right?

“Holy shit! I haven't seen you in almost 3 years! How are you?” I loudly proclaimed my lie as I winked and went in for a friendly hug. She caught on immediately and made up some bullshit about how I was in Chicago for three years and lost contact with her. The d-bag got the hint and instantly retreated with his tail between his legs. Yeah, I’m the fucking alpha male.

My friends decided they actually weren’t ready to leave and started ordering more drinks, so I invited these two ladies over to have a drink with us. So we hung out, standing at the bar, chatting for a bit. As I was saying something to my friends, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a hand slowly reaching toward my junk.

“THEM’S MY NUTS!” I shouted proudly, as she violated my man parts. My friends looked at me in astonishment. Seeing is believe—Girls gravitate to my nuts.

I like when they try to come up with excuses as to why they just groped me. “I thought it was an air bubble in your jeans!”… Right. Jeans don’t get air bubbles. Maybe when you’re sitting they bunch up a little, but definitely not while standing.

Ladies, it’s okay. Seriously, I don’t mind if you want to touch me. Just be honest about it.

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Tea Time

Roared on Aug 16th, 2009 8:14pm in Doodles was tagged with Tea, Ax, Blood, and has 2 comments.

There's no relief to be sought in this tea when there’s an ax in my head.

This doodle was done sometime in 2006 during my last semester at college. I seem to remember being incredibly sick and getting relief for my nose through some calming chamomile tea. That really didn't change the fact that my head felt like it was going to explode brains out everywhere at the thought of having to study for another midterm exam.

I doodle. Often. This is one of my favorites of all time. It's currently framed on my wall. I'm sure there will be more to come.

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Designing Paulasaurus Rex

Roared on Aug 15th, 2009 4:49pm in Miscellaneous was tagged with Video, Design, and has 2 comments.

While working on bringing back and redesigning Paulasaurus Rex, I decided to set up an automated screen capture script so that I could make this video. I created the workflow in Automator to run for 60 minute blocks. At the end of the 60 minutes, I had it pause iTunes. This process actually worked really well, because it kept me working for serious blocks of time while still giving me good break points.

I'm considering doing this again with some future projects, but they won't be posted here, they'll be over at my “professional” site, Paul Armstrong Designs.

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Obligatory (Re)Introduction Post

Roared on Aug 15th, 2009 4:11pm in Miscellaneous was tagged with Photo, and has 2 comments.

The last post I wrote on this blog, before taking it down, was on October 26th, 2006, entitled “Time Sucks Sweaty Balls”. It was incredibly emo and makes me want to slit my wrists just for thinking that I would actually post something that ridiculous. Thankfully, I lost the database from that version of the blog.

So I'm back now. You better not have touched my stuff while I was away. I'll know if you have, so just fess up before I find out, okay?

Anyway, for the 5 of you that remember, I used to post hilariously gruesome doodles. Never fear, I have those backed up and will be bringing them back, along with some new ones that I'm quite mortified of.

Oh, was this supposed to be a post about myself? Fuck that. Go read the about page.

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